The Grey Future

I know that I haven't written in a while. It is because the things that I have been wanting to write about would make some people think that I'm more crazy.

A week or so after 4th of July weekend, my littlest almost one was dog bit in the face and had to go to the hospital ER. Her mom wrote about the incident on her blog which I'm a follower.

On July 4th night after I returned the girls to my ex, I heard something in my room. It was the voice of the oldest of the two girls calling my name over and over in a very panicked little girl's voice, but I know what her voice sounds like. It isn't the first time something similiar to this has happened to me which is why I don't like to sit in a silent room with just my breathing.

Like I mentioned, I didn't know about the dog bite until I read my friend's post.

After reading this, I know I will probably lose some friendships, but not telling has caused me some physical and emotional pain.

I don't like it when things like this happen to me, but I refuse to lie to myself anymore or anyone else. I keep feeling if I could have given a better warning, maybe the scenario might not have happened, but since it did then I move on to which ever road is the most rockiest so I can learn more about what makes me, ME!

Yes, this has been on my mind for a while, but knowing that I couldn't prevent it has caused me to back away from that which a higher power has given me.

I could be the girl that keeps asking "Why me?" which I know that I won't get an answer.

Why some and not others because I know that all I can ever be is an observer of all that goes on around me. I try to warn when I can and know the person won't scoff and call me crazy. I try to keep quiet around those who will judge and say I'm lying or a bad influence. I do what I can to survive.

Sadly, I have yet to predict, see, hear, etc any happy moments in my friends', family's, etc lives.

lol...

Happiness that is not known will always make the moments sweeter in your memories.

Friends who are truly your friends will not judge you for how you are made.

We all live in the REAL world which has created shaped us. We have been created flawed. Who will throw the first stone? It will usually be the one closest to you emotionally for you have opened your heart to them. Whether they keep it safe or destroy it, it will be their choice. For once given, it is hard to take back into your chest.

T

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~