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Hiya...I'm back on here.

I am back to my blog. I have been away trying to deal my day to day life. I am part of an oddball family unit, now. I'm very happy with what life has given me.

I have a new job as a digital file clerk at an oil  and gas company. I love my job deeply.

Ok, talk to ya'll soon.

Tyra

Wounds....

Wounds...

We all have them.

How we let them heal determines whether there will be a healed scar or bleed to death.

I prefer scars because life is too wondrous to let my wounds send me to a cave to bleed to death.

The reminders are there so we don't forget what can wound us the easiest.

It's like a child learning about a hot burner by touching it. The scar will be the child to remind them what it felt like to touch a hot burner.

If we don't learn from our wounds, we will just keep getting by the same things over and over again.

Scars just make us stronger to face whatever impedes our forward motion, whether we go over, around, under, or just through any situations put in front of us.

T

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The P.A.L. Game

This entry has been haunting me to write it down and send on it's way to my past. I have decided to write it to let it go on it's merry way.

You may ask yourself, "Pal Game that sounds interesting". It is NOT a pal game. It is the P.A.L. Game. It was one of the games that my ex played with me (I had no choice, really & yes, I was that stupid.)

P.A.L. was his acronym for Personal Ass Lick. So, it was his personal ass lick game.

Ok, ya'll get your mind out of the gutter. Nope, I didn't lick his ass. All I can say to that is yuck.

It was just the name of the game that he created.

His rules were that he would hit me progressively harder until I responded with the phrase "Hi, P.A.L.". I even tried to respond with "Hi, my P.A.L" which my reward was a harder hit until I said the phrase correctly.

I was so naive that I just thought that was just a bedroom that married people played with their love ones. I even wondered if my in-laws played that game with their significant others.

~shrug~

Yes, I was so embarrassed to tell anyone. He never hit me during the game in anger, so why would I think it was wrong for him to do it.

So, now after I have left him because he did hit me in anger. I want to free myself of the past as it tries to haunt me as this memory does.

So, if your spouse or significant other tries to play this kind of game and you aren't enjoying the game then you should consider it abuse.

If only one of the two people playing the games is having fun and the other isn't, then you don't need to play those types of games. You need to find games both parties would enjoy.

Life is too short to be stuck in an unfun situation.

I love the freedom that I have. The choices are mine to make.

T

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Eight (8) Turned Sidewise Is Infinity....

My Birthday: January (1) 5, 1973; 1+5+1+9+7+3=26=2+6=8. 

Eight is Infinity - Paradise regained.

Eight (8) Spiritually eight is the goal of the initiate, having gone through the seven stages. Eight is Infinity - Paradise regained.

Eight is solidarity as the first cube and it denotes perfection by virtue of it's six surfaces. There are eight winds and intermediate directions of space. Eight represents the pairs of opposites. The octagon is the beginning of the transformation of the square into a circle and vice versa.

Cultural References Eight in many cultures and ideologies seems to have similar meanings: Felicity

Perfect rhythm

Regeneration

Resurrection

In some myths the eighth day created the new "man" of grace. After seven days of fasting and penance the eighth day becomes plenty and renewal. 7+1 is the number of the octave which is a continual theme in all esoteric belief systems. The knowledge of frequency and sound are a vital key in the ancient "mystery schools".

Buddhist tradition: eight is completion, all possibilities. There are eight symbols of good augury.

Chinese system of belief eight represents the whole. It is all possibilities in manifestation. Eight is seen as a good luck number. The PAKUA is the design depicting the eight trigrams and pairs of opposites, usually in a circle, the circumference of which symbolizes time and space. There are eight delights of human existence.

Christian: Eight is regeneration and rebirth. The font is usually octagonal as symbolizing the place of regeneration. There are eight beatitudes.

Egyptian: Eight is the number of Thoth.

Hebrew: Eight is perfect intelligence; splendor. The digit value of "IHVH" is the "Number of the Lord". The Temple was sanctified in eight days.

Hermetic: In their system there is one chief God, (eight minor gods) Thoth/Hermes was the inventor of numbers and geometry.

Hindu: 8x8 symbolism is the order of the celestial world established on earth. Temples are built on the pattern of the MANDALA, which is the 8x8 symbol. In their belief system there are eight regions of the world, suns, divisions of the day, and eight chakras.

Islamic: The throne which encompasses the world is supported by eight angels, corresponding to both the eight divisions of space and the groups of letters in the Arabic alphabet.

Japanese: Eight is the "many". There are eight Gods in the heavens.

Platonic: Plato has eight spheres of different colors surrounding the luminous pillars of the heavens.

Pythagorean: Eight is solidarity and stability.

Sumero-Semitic: Eight is the magic number of Nebo.

Taoist: Eight to be All possibilities in manifestation with the Pa Kua representing the forces in the phenomenal world. There are eight Taoist genii or immortals.

Reference Site: http://www.crystalinks.com/numerology2.html

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Quiet vs Noise...

Noise can hide all the mysteries that surround us. Noise can be distracting to that which is important.

Quiet can show us all that we miss. Quiet does have a sound, but in order to hear it, you must be quiet. Quiet can give us a focus on what is very important in our lives.

If you had a choice to sit in a room that is utterly quiet or be in a club or concert that is very noisy, which would you choose?

I prefer the noise because with utter quietness, I heard the voices of the quiet.

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The Grey Future

I know that I haven't written in a while. It is because the things that I have been wanting to write about would make some people think that I'm more crazy.

A week or so after 4th of July weekend, my littlest almost one was dog bit in the face and had to go to the hospital ER. Her mom wrote about the incident on her blog which I'm a follower.

On July 4th night after I returned the girls to my ex, I heard something in my room. It was the voice of the oldest of the two girls calling my name over and over in a very panicked little girl's voice, but I know what her voice sounds like. It isn't the first time something similiar to this has happened to me which is why I don't like to sit in a silent room with just my breathing.

Like I mentioned, I didn't know about the dog bite until I read my friend's post.

After reading this, I know I will probably lose some friendships, but not telling has caused me some physical and emotional pain.

I don't like it when things like this happen to me, but I refuse to lie to myself anymore or anyone else. I keep feeling if I could have given a better warning, maybe the scenario might not have happened, but since it did then I move on to which ever road is the most rockiest so I can learn more about what makes me, ME!

Yes, this has been on my mind for a while, but knowing that I couldn't prevent it has caused me to back away from that which a higher power has given me.

I could be the girl that keeps asking "Why me?" which I know that I won't get an answer.

Why some and not others because I know that all I can ever be is an observer of all that goes on around me. I try to warn when I can and know the person won't scoff and call me crazy. I try to keep quiet around those who will judge and say I'm lying or a bad influence. I do what I can to survive.

Sadly, I have yet to predict, see, hear, etc any happy moments in my friends', family's, etc lives.

lol...

Happiness that is not known will always make the moments sweeter in your memories.

Friends who are truly your friends will not judge you for how you are made.

We all live in the REAL world which has created shaped us. We have been created flawed. Who will throw the first stone? It will usually be the one closest to you emotionally for you have opened your heart to them. Whether they keep it safe or destroy it, it will be their choice. For once given, it is hard to take back into your chest.

T

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